Welcome to Marriage & Family Life

Marriage Preparation - Frequently Asked Questions

We are getting married outside the diocese, can we do our preparation here?

Generally, yes.  In fact, each year we help to prepare couples getting married all over the world.  Some parish courses are specifically designed for couples in the parish but most courses around the diocese are open to anyone getting married in the Church.  Many providers will issue certificates of attendance and parish priests can usually provide letters to support these if the parish where you are getting married requires this.

We are getting married in the diocese, do we have to do our preparation here?

No.  The priest of the parish where you are getting married may require a letter of proof of preparation from the course you attended elsewhere.  We realise that people often come home from all corners of the earth to get married and do not have time amidst the pressures of long distance preparations to attend a course here in Portsmouth Diocese.

I or my partner are not Catholic, is there an expectation that we will convert?

No.  Marriage preparation courses are not designed to convert people.  Obviously, if you are interested to find out more about the faith it is a great chance to ask questions.  There is an expectation that non-Catholic partners are sympathetic and understanding of what the Church believes about marriage and that they will be supportive of any children being brought up as Catholics.

We live together, will we be expected to separate before getting married in the Church?

Asking this question itself indicates an understanding that for the Church the ideal is that couples are not living together prior to marriage.  However, you will not be quizzed about your domestic arrangements during a marriage preparation course, nor will you be judged.  The fact that you are getting married is a source of joy to the Church.

Will we be expected to talk to groups about personal stuff?

No.  It is important that your privacy is protected throughout marraige preparation and so you will not be expected to talk about anything personal with other people.  You may be given the opportunity to talk about these things, but with each other.

Will the courses cover sex and contraception?

Contrary to popular belief, the Church is not obsessed with sex.  Nor is marriage preparation just an opportunity to talk about the rhythm method.  Sex is a great gift from God and our sexuality is an important part of married life.  Most courses will cover sexuality to some extent as part of communication, conflict, self-esteem and spirituality in marriage.  You will not be expected to discuss this outside your couple.  There will be no toe curling moments when someone tries to tell you the 'facts of life', your knowledge in this area is assumed!  It is unlikely that you are not aware of the Church's view on contraception and again this knowledge is generally assumed, although there are usually opportunities to ask questions.  Most courses do not explicitly cover natural family planning in their limited time but are able to put you in contact with organisations that can advise you in this area.

Will it cost anything?

Most marriage preparation courses are provided by volunteers and will ask for a donation to cover costs, the recommended amounts are generally quite small in the context of preparing for your wedding day (typically in the region of £30-50 per couple).